So dinner was a kind of stew made with barley and not much meat (maybe 300?? It wasn't a big portion) and two more watery bowls of porridge with honey (200). Total so far = 1065 which I must remember is not too bad.
I've been feeling pretty down today (which is why I broke my lent rule of only porridge at breakfast. It's ok, it's not like I feel "oh that's done now may as well go for broke!!"). Everything is so much, college is so much work, I've got no energy (and I've not even gone to the gym recently to use that as an excuse), some of my friends are being utterly shite and I just feel like I want to cry a lot of the time. There's a reason why models aren't my thinspo - it's because my skeleton itself could not be rail thin. I've accepted that I'm a pear-shape. I've got skinny arms and no boobs at all. I know I'm not hugely OVERweight, but I just want my thighs (and perhaps my disgusting flabby bum/hips) to slim down or tone up or something. How can other people think I'm thin when yes, my arms and top half are quite bony but my legs are carrot-shaped pieces of fat? With fucking cellulite?! Guys prefer skinny girls (they claim they don't but how many skinny girls do you see without boyfriends? Does it stop Paris, Nicole, models etc?) so it's no freaking wonder I've not got anyone chasing me right now? I've been sodding single for literally years now, with male interest being minor-to-none in the last year.
And everyone thinks I'm ok because if I do moan in real life, it's only ever about one thing at a time. I'm the one people lean on. I just couldn't let all this out, I'm always fine and positive!!
I'll stop moaning now. I'm satiated. I suppose I should do some work. On the plus side, when I'm feeling down/stressed, I do usually lose weight, so I could use that as an excuse as to why I'm losing.
I was planning on putting up some photos but I don't even want to take any right now. Sorry, noone needs to see a fat and sad girl.
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4 comments:
You are in a funk, but it won't last. After all, you ARE losing weight! That's a great feeling, right? I'm not small boned either, so I sort of know what you mean. Anyways, keep up the good work.
Yeah I know I'll never be model thin even if I did have their measurements b/c I'm like 4 ins too short. That's why I picked Britney Spears as a sort of goal...she's close to my height and similar body build.
I also have thin arms and fat fat fat thighs (or thats how I see them anyway). I also agree with you - guys always say they dont like skinny girls and yet those are the girls who have boyfriends or get all the attention from guys when you go out at night time.
I hope you feel better sooon!!
i COMPLETELY understand about your body. I'm pretty sure i'm pear shaped, and when i look at model thinspo and stuff i know no matter how little i weight my legs will always be 'carrot shaped' as well.
BUT i tell myself that its better to be a smaller version of me, than a bigger version...
you are doing really, really well with your eating, i think you will reach your goals.
good luck
~harlow
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