Day 22

Weighed in a day early because I thought today may be a bad one. Victoria Beckham knows what she's doing!! I had a photo shoot, so wanted to be lower... and saw 126.4 this morning. Even with cheating a lot this week and not really following the diet, I lost 2 lbs. OK, so I know it's a lot of bloat from pre-period stuff, but can I get a hell yes?

I'll weigh in tomorrow but I've eaten quite a lot today (porridge - 150, carrot - 30, 5 (yes, 5! Spread out) cereal bars - 550, yoghurt raisins - 200, snackajacks - 80), 1010 compared with my recent low low intake of 600s ish, so I'm not expecting it to be any lower tomorrow. I'm also off out for non-alcoholic cocktails tonight!! I did see my top half looking particularly slim in the photos, so I was quite pleased. Still look v wide in the hip area though, but I'm not sure I can do a lot about that.

How are things with you, my lovelies?

Day 20

So after last night's disaster (admittedly and expected disaster - will explain), today I woke up with a fake hangover - I don't drink but I had a headache and stomach ache... ugh.

Crisps. And chocolate raisins. And curry. And people who I like but who I don't know particularly well. So lots was consumed, I don't really want to think about the calories. I've been punished enough for it today with the way I felt. Has anyone else had that? Where you eat really healthily for a while, then when you end up eating v fatty food, your body rejects it massively? I will have to think again for next time we have a social.

Onto today - started off with a smoothie (beetroot, carrot, apple, celery, honey, cinnamon and cocoa powder - approx 170 per serving), had strawberries (50), peas (50), lettuce and carrot (30) followed by a Starbucks trip. I went for a soy cappucino with sugar free hazelnut syrup (70). Which put me at 370. Good. Got hungry at 4.30pm, ignored it, drank water, it stopped. Great. Didn't feel well on way home, good, so didn't eat. Until I felt like I should eat. So I had some porridge. I've weighed it out, I had about 100g of oats overall, made with water and sweetened with honey - so maybe 500 cals?

Putting today's total at 870.

Good, yes, but doesn't really balance out yesterday. Or the day before. But it's not with my VB diet (ie Victoria Beckham!!), which is meant to be solely strawberries, lettuce, edamame (I've been using peas) and steamed fish (I have yet to eat any fish). Lots of herbal and green tea is meant to be consumed. Again, I've not had the facilities to do this, so I've just been drinking A LOT of water.

I've varied this quite a lot - added blueberries, carrots and other low cal veg and stuck with porridge. As you can see, not really stuck to it. I've got 2 days of doing this before I will probably have to eat something else (a friend, who also has a few food issues, and I are going to have a bake fest so I can teach her how to bake, then we're going to give out what we make to friends and colleagues on a big trip without eating it ourselves. Cunning.). I can't see why my weight wouldn't go down in this time, but I don't hold out much hope for the Sunday weigh in. I bet I end up weighing much more than my mid-week 126.4, though I'd love to see that number again. On that note, I did finally have a BM today (it's been about 5 days) but not enough again. Hopefully tomorrow or Saturday...

Day 19

So I weighed myself this morning despite not meaning to do it all week, but I was feeling slimmer. Srre enough, 126.4 sparkled at me from the scales. Hooray for period bloat going down a few days in.

This is despite the chilli, rice and tarta yesterday.

Today, I have felt like it's a loss. A chocolate and caramel Rice Krispy Squares shone at me with its gold gleaming promises of tasty goodness. At 151 cals though, it's one of the better buys in the college shop. I'm having a curry tonight, I like the spicy ones so it should boost my metabolism a bit. Since I don't drink, no alcohol, and there'll be lots of dancing, to make up for my lack of gymming.

Then we shall return to the peas-strawberries-lettuce-fish of the VB diet. For 3 days at least.

I shall return.

Day 18

My flatmate knows I'm a little weight-obsessed... but we're both on this VB diet thing so I think it's ok. I did so well yesterday, tonight I knew was going to be worse since I had a couple of girls over for dinner and we ate this lovely Dime Bar Tarta.

Cals

Porridge (200)

Green tea iced drink with orange (50)

Strawberries and Blueberries (60)

Peas (50)

Carrot (30)

Lettuce

Chilli (250)

Rice (125)

Tarta (600)

1355. Could have been much worse!! Tomorrow will be quite bad with the curry night out, but I plan to drink a lot of diet coke which will fill me up massively.

I probably won't update for a couple of days, but I will get to commenting soon, I will!!! I'm also thinking about weighing myself this evening as I do feel quite light - haven't had a BM in a while though but am now on period so my water weight *should* have reduced. I know I shouldn't weigh in, but I want to, now, before the big big night out.

Day 17 - GOOD!

OK I am finding it tough to comment on other blogs when am on flatmate's laptop, so I'm being a bit quiet... she's gone to bed for now though, so I can quickly post before I head!

Day 1 of "The VB Diet" - porridge for breakfast (200 at most), strawberries (40), peas (50), lettuce (0 surely?), carrot (30), celery (10), couple of chips (20), two Britvic drinks (250). So that's 590. Pretty freaking sweet.

Admittedly, this was partly because I went to an event in the evening and drank a lot of diet coke and water. And I was told a story involving a Mars Bar and the lady place and felt really sick afterwards (story was after the couple of chips). Whatever works. I'm pleased with that. Rock on. Had I been at home, I'd have got hungry and eaten more.

I can't be as good tomorrow, as expected, since I'm having a couple of girls over for dinner and girly chats - this is clearly going to involve chocolate. I'm making a lentil chilli so will get some spices going at least. If I start off the day like I've done today though, I think that's acceptable. I'm not willing to sacrifice friendships, I'll just be a little careful.

Hope you're all staying strong, I miss reading your blogs (I will! I promise! When I get onto the library computers and don't have other people around me).

Day 16?

I've lost count. This has to be short, as I'm using flatmate's computer

Being ill helped me I think, but not loads. I'm currently weighing in at 128.4 (today is weigh in day) making that 1lb since starting 2 weeks ago. Not ideal but better than it could be.

I suppose that even though I didn't eat much yesterday, I didn't have any BMs (in comparison to Friday when I was ill in the morning, then fine all day until 11pm when I had the world's worst stomach ache)

G2G

Day 14- Start thereof

My laptop is out of action for the next couple of weeks - I'm risking this on my flatmate's (by using a different browser to her usual and then clearing the history).

Yesterday's dinner went well, I did eat more than expected but not by more than 200 cals I think, so I maybe breached 1400, but it was worth it.

This is TMI for those with a sensitive disposition - but I've had a bit of diarrhoea for the first time literally in years today. I woke up, weighed self, was 128.8, so I was relatively pleased. After drinking water and eating some porridge, I had a little toilet trauma (so didn't go to the gym), then weighed self again just to see what had happened (yes, the whole "don't weigh self for a week!" thing completely broke) and I was 127.6! Would love to see that on Sunday morning, but I guess I'm pretty much empty right now.

Next week, my plan is to eat edamame beans, strawberries, lettuce and a bit of steamed fish as much as possible - this is what Victoria Beckham ate apparently!! However, several social events, including another friend coming over for dinner... which I guess makes eating like that the rest of the time more important!!

Just keeping my fingers crossed for Sunday morning.

Rest of today - I'm meeting a friend for gf muffins from Covent Garden, but if I can make that as lunch (4pm... probably not doable) should be ok. Will bank on that being 350. Today I've had porridge - 130. Also, need to make a bit of a risotto for a picnic for ce soir, that with vegetables should be another 250, add an apple and hopefully some more veggies. That'd be a good day I think... 800 if I could manage it. Probably not. Given I'm somewhat hungry now and have yet to make the risotto.

Question - when you go out to dinner with friends, how do you make it so that they realise you're a super-healthy person but that you don't scare them with how little you manage? Also, I find it hard to overcome my "don't waste food!" mentality, so although I'm getting better in restaurants and things, I still find it hard when at home to not eat everything on my plate.

Day 13 - Not unlucky, hopefully

Woek up really early (and hungry) for some reason. I weighed myself again - 129.6, so hoping there'll be a loss on Sunday, even though I'm more than when I started right now. I realised I'd taken two pills yesterday instead of one and so my period should come a bit early.

I actually had time to weigh out 50g of oats for porridge (180 cals) and due to large amounts of time, also ate some hazelnuts which were in my cupboard and open (165). I hate wasting food, but it does mean I'm on 345 for breakfast. So I'm scheming now... I made lunch already, it's a salad involving spinach, cauliflower, carrot and courgette with some balsamic vinegar. Surely that's 100 at most? I'm also going to take a couple of carrots in there (60) and an apple (70) for afternoon snacking if I need to.

Plus, as mentioned previously, a friend is coming over for dinner. We're having baked salmon (250 apparently, seems high for salmon!) with roasted veg (not as much oil as usual, so maybe 200 cals) and then that aubergine chocolate cake, which has 215 cals per serving with berries (so maybe 40?).

Aims today - drain a bottle of water approx every hour. Stick with the plan, which should leave me at 1280 calories. Chances of it being more are high, with the chocolate cake I guess.

Will edit this evening if I have time/a computer. I'm taking it in to get fixed today.

Day 12

It's been an interesting start to the day, I know I shall be out for the rest of it, so it's made up for my eating so far (despite it being only 10.34). So my aim is 1200 or below.

Today
Breakfast was a smoothie made of melon, an apple and a couple of carrots - 100+70+30 = 200. Quite high already.
Made a (healthy!) chocolate cake for a friend who's coming over for dinner tomorrow - she's pretty slim, so we're having salmon with roasted veg and this healthy chocolate cake (see below for more info). Ate some - 300.
Finished off my houmous with some cauliflower - 150.

SO FAR = 650. I have 550 or less to play with. As I'm pretty full now, I shall ignore lunch and drink water through it. I have a packed dinner, of the rest of the rice dish from the other night (250) with some steamed spinach and some cauliflower, which is at most 50. So I could, today, feasibly only eat 300 more calories. Putting me at 950 for the day, which would be awesome.

So plan is completed. And if I break it (I'm meeting a different friend at law school and we usually have a break in which we have the lower cal chocolatey things, hence the rice krispy square yesterday), it's not a huge deal. I do want to stay at 950 though!


I was chatting with my flatmate last night - she'd got her morbidly obese workmate to buy her and a friend the weight loss drug Alli - apparently it was like shitting olive oil and it was so satisfying, like a George Foreman grill, to see what could have gone into her body but hadn't. We also discussed going onto the Victoria Beckham diet of edamame beans, strawberries, lettuce and steamed fish, whilst drinking loads of peppermint and green tea. I could totally do that (perhaps with the addition of porridge for breakfast). Think I might try it next week!!


As for my "healthy" cakes, I've been using the Red Velvet and Chocolate Heartache cookbook, look it up on Amazon. It uses vegetables to reduce the fat content and provide structure, meaning less flour is used (and she uses rice flour anyway). The 135 cal cupcakes I made were the chocolate peanut butter ones, her recipe made 12, I managed to get 20 out of it. I also substituted the eggs for arrowroot powder and water (and used sweet potato instead of butternut squash). The chocolate cake I made for my friend has a principle ingredient of aubergine (which has a total of 15 calories per raw 100g - that's AMAZING). The danger with the low calories ones is that you end up eating more of them - but this is alright, particularly if you're in front of other people (ie reduces down their suspicions). If there's a call for the recipes I can put them up.


*Update*
I came home, I ate some porridge (130 ish), an ice lolly earlier in the day (70) and some icing sugar with cocoa (doh! 150!). 1400. Bugger. Although I did make it into the gym (only burnt about 150 though), and had a jacuzzi and sauna.

I then, foolishly, broke my own rule of not weighing myself (see, this happens). Given I've eaten later than usual, drunk a lot of water and am approaching the end of my packet of the pill and am thus pre-menstrual, I should not be overly surprised at seeing 131.6. But I'm still super-annoyed by it. FFS. I've not eaten THAT much. The bloating had better go down, it feels like I've got an apron of flesh on.

I need to LOSE weight this week, not gain it. Also, my digestive system is being weird, without going into too much detail. Grr bloat.

Day 11

Hmm.

A friend who I've not seen in a while last night asked whether it was "hard to keep your weight up due to your dietary restrictions?". I almost laughed out loud - keep my weight up?? I mean, yes, my weight is pretty much at its lowest since I gave up gluten. But it's intentional. Still, noticeable perhaps, a good sign I think.

So I made cupcakes last night for my class today. Ate 5 of them spread out through the day - lucky for me, they only had 135 cals. So porridge (100), melon (100), rice krispie bar (150), cucumber with some houmous (100) and a couple of rye bread with PB (200). Pub lunch was 3/4 of a jacket potato with chilli con carne (not sure, maybe 150 + 200). 1700 ish, which is higher than my aim dammit! I walked a lot today though and the socialising was important for class I guess. It could have been much much worse, thank God I don't drink.

I don't really understand - the skinniest girl in the class (who admittedly used to be a ballet dancer) ate a panini with melted cheese and drank a few glasses of wine, a vodka diet coke and a Magners cider. I do wonder if that's all she'll eat today, or if she purges or if she just naturally has a really high metabolism? She's much smaller than I CAN be naturally, her hips are tiny tiny tiny.

We are planning more socials, but I reckon if I fast on the days when we're eating out, and then keep drinking diet Coke (LOVE IT) on nights out, then I can get through it. *sigh* why am I so weak willed/social?? Skinny Love - I think your plan is right, the guilt makes us work it off though. I'm sorry for mentioning houmous (but I did have a pot and wanted due to the other night!), and making you crave it so, I hope you can forgive me.

If I have a sub-1200 day tomorrow, things should balance out. I'm still annoyed with myself though. Get me to the gym soon.

Day 10

I am blogging from law school for the first time ever - oooh rebel! I've got enough tabs open that even if someone I know comes over, it won't be an issue...

Sunday was a write-off, v high. I lost count, like an idiot. Today has been pretty good so far, I did have some chocolate with a friend this afternoon, but so far, porridge (100), melon (50), PB (150), rye bread with houmous (100), salad (50), chocolate (250) = approx 700. I only had the chocolate because it's a long time between lunch and the drinks I'm having with a different set of friends this evening. Once we're past the 6-7pm standard dinner time, I won't get as hungry and will be able to make something healthy - I'm thinking low-fat spinach risotto (I don't use oil).

This will be very necessary - we're meant to be having a pub lunch after class tomorrow, can't get out of it. I'm playing netball that evening and I'll be able to gym too, maybe even tonight as well. I suspect there may be another social meal soon too although I've already said I don't have any money so a picnic (where I take my own, salad-based, food). Damn, socialising is so food heavy! At least I don't drink, so I don't need to watch out for that pitfall!

EDIT - I had a rice dinner of approx 250 (made with curry paste, apple, carrot, spinach and about 200 cals worth of rice, split into two portions), followed by some melon (50) and some houmous with cucumber (150). Today's total is therefore approximately 1200. GOOD.
Has anyone else's blogger claimed that they're not following anyone? Mine has, although I'm hoping when I go back onto it, this changes!!

Day 8 - phoenix

Weighed in and measured this morning, earlier than I wanted to by a couple of hours but necessary as I was so thirsty.

129.0. Waist = 26 ins (no change, it's like that when I first wake up), hips = 37ins still, chest = 33ins. Can someone holler "pearshape"?

At least it's not a gain. But seriously, less than half a fucking pound? That could just be water weight I didn't have from last week! Admittedly, yesterday was not great - I realised I'd forgotten to add on a couple of mini cupcake frostings which we'll assume was 200 and then late at night I had with my friend a LOT of carrots, which would have been fine but we had this amazing chilli houmous from Tesco as well, so that pushes it up to at least 2000 for yesterday which is an obscene number of calories. The carrots alone would add fibre weight today. I walked in heels a lot, but that in no way balances it out. So I suppose I've had my worst two days of the week being closest to the end.

These are just excuses. Or rather, reasons. My weight should have been able to cope with that though and I should be less. If you look at my total cals for the week, it's approx 9616 (round up to 10,000) which isn't huge, despite looking it.


SO since my body clearly accepts 1600 calories, I shall reduce this to 1400 this week, and then keep it at 1200 max (where I lost weight slowly but surely last time).

Weekly aims
- Daily cals to not exceed 1400.
- Do not eat around 4pm when you get really hungry. Drink a lot of water at this time and maybe have some caffeine.
- Smaller breakfast of 150 max.
- No binging.
- Exercise - 3 times, with additional walking, preferably get off the tube a stop early.
- When baking (if baking) less sampling.


To end on a positive note, I did not weigh in before today, so I've succeeded in one aspect, by not weighing myself the whole week! I want to do this again. Definitely wouldn't have managed it without this blog.

Day 7 - Risks

I'm probably at over 1400 cals at least already today. It's 5.45, so as long as I can avoid any more food, this is acceptable. The problem was that I went to a farmers' market with my housemate and went to buy the Hummingbird Bakery cookbook, then got inspired to bake. I love baking, it fuels me, I ove creating something that others can eat. I made their chocolate cupcakes, I took photos, but I shan't put them up here just in case. They are on my fashion blog - if anyone wants to know where that is, leave me a comment with your email address, I'd love to hear from you!

Anyway, despite having made (foolishly, I made them wheat-free so I CAN eat them) the cupcakes, I am taking some to a friend and I am giving some to my flatmate to take to her office on Monday. They're actually really too sickly for me, I did eat one but I am quite nauseous now. No idea as of cals, but I used dairy free, reduced fat margarine if nothing else. I've estimated that particular amount at about 600 including the cupcake.

Food eaten therefore
Porridge x 2 (breakfast, lunch) - 300
Scone with jam - 170
Rye bread with jam - 100
Chocolate - 260 (BAD! Didn't even want it)
Cooking - 600

So that's 1430. If I can keep it at that (and I will! I will be strong!) I would say that is good, based on my weekly aims.

Weigh in tomorrow!! And I will measure. I always weigh and measure on a Sunday morning, after my lie-in, before I drink water, after I've been to the toilet, so it's as light as I can be at that time. To be honest, I feel pretty heavy, so I'm not sure I will have lost much. I will be disappointed if I have not lost anything as I've done quite well this week, I've not properly binged and I've walked a lot and managed to make it to the gym a few times.

Day 6 - Setback

Well yesterday (as it is now, weird or what!) was different - it was like I forgot what I was doing... porridge and the last muffin for breakfast (300), small salad for mid morning (60), apple (70) and then lunch with a friend.

I knew the lunch was coming, knew it, and knew we were going to a super-healthy vegan place that she said she'd thought of me when she''d seen it. So we got the stuff from the buffet area (it was only one trip, so no problems really). Whilst it was all healthy stuff, I can't help but think that with oil and potatoes and lentils and quinoa and various veggies and tofu, it came to at least 700 cals. Let's say I had 7 scoops on my plate, each at 100.

Yikes.

It didn't really stop me, after walking around (London is a definite walking town once you're in the centre), I quickly went home and scarfed down a couple of low-fat, home-made scones (approx 300, again!) and an apple and went out. Coming back late, I then had a couple of small bowls of porridge (300). 1730. What happened to "nothing over 1600"? I just didn't count. It's so hard to count cals when you're in a place without a counter!! Where you don't know what you're eating! I mean, the 700 is probably an overestimate, but it might not be.

Then I read Sophie's comment on my previous post (hon, I'd find your blog and link it here, but I'm so sleepy!), which started with "I hope you give yourself a break today". I have been doing well this week, I woke up with tired legs, which is annoying but implies that I've worked them a bit, and I managed to not weigh myself this week, for the first time since I've been away properly from my scales. I'm hoping to see a loss tomorrow. I think I will also re-measure myself, because those measurements are important.

Ladies, I hope you're having a strong-willed day!!

Day 5 - Half Way Through the Day

So far today I've had just under 1000 cals. I still plan to go to the gym, I still plan to have a light dinner but given my calorie aims (and I like to mix it up, so sometimes yes, will eat a bit more in order to boost the old metabolism). Even if I don't make it to the gym, I've walked a lot today.

I know that sounds high, but I ate my lunch at uni (muffin and salad) and then got invited out for sushi lunch - as we went to Itsu, I knew the cal content, which was 180 cals, which for an unexpected lunch was not bad (and I got some protein in there with the fish). I think I'll hvae a light light dinner (maybe porridge) and veg out for a bit. I know, I know, no gym but I really did walk a lot today!

Day 4, getting better.

Feeling a bit better - today I had a smaller breakfast (approx 130), with salad for lunch (quorn chicken slices are 15 cals each, who knew? Plus salad and apple and cranberries - approx 200), cranberries as a snack and a muffin too (274). I learnt that after that snack, which I needed at about 4pm, I would have been fine throughout my normal dinner time, I met a friend during when I'd normally eat (6-7pm) and then after that, no problem. Since my flatmates were in, I made a low cal lentil soup with veggies (approx 200 I think) and had a couple of light scones (400). So today's total is 1234, which is much more acceptable to me, if I can just keep it up, I'd be happy with that!!

I didn't make it to the gym, but I did walk to meet my friend instead of taking the tube, so I saved money and did some exercise. My "French Women Don't Get Fat" book tells me that walking is definitely a good thing, so if it works for the French...

I know it's only Wednesday, but I feel much better knowing that my weigh-in is going to be Sunday and I won't weigh myself until then. I've got you guys to watch out for me, you must shout (blog style!) if I do!!!

Day 3 setback

It was all going to well! I was at law school at 4pm, and I headed home, so far, at most 400 calories (home-made healthy muffin at 174, fruit bar at 78, salad at 40, apple at 70 = 362), but I got home and the walk home pretty much killed me. I ate another muffin (174) and several bowls of porridge (250), then had a small risotto dinner (at most 200) and then some MORE porridge (200). I've not even been eating porridge recently. I don't get it!! 1186 overall is not bad, given I started recently and given my weekly goals, I could have some more food, and may do so after my gym session this evening. But it was the hunger, the weakness, the everything.

Control? Can you hear me, Self Control?


In some ways, I am heading back, and it is good. Just need to sort this bit of hunger out...

Day 2

Kept my calories below 1600 (although it did feel like I was eating a lot), and although I had a large breakfast, I did keep the other meals low. I'm a breakfast eater, I'm afraid - I know a lot of you find that breakfast makes you hungry throughout the day but for me, I could eat a large breakfast and not eat in the evening. Makes no difference really, it's all about total calories throughout the day!

Still, on a scale of 1-Bingetastic, not bad. A good start at least. Steamed fish a bit of rice and some stirfried (using Fry Light) vegetables. Yes, I ate all of the rest of my peanut butter, on rice cakes and in my stir fry. But it's all gone now, and I still stayed beneath 1600. From my mental calculations anyway.

I've also managed to not weigh myself, I'm usually pretty good at the first few days, it's usually when it gets to Wednesday or Thursday that I crack and end up weighing every day (night and morning) for the rest of the week. NOT THIS WEEK.

Day 1!

The weekly weigh-in begins - I am, this week, 129.4, which is as good as I could hope for, given the 131 yesterday morning. Reason to not weigh in every day!

I do just want to clarify some things - I really do not think that I have a serious ED. I don't think I'm anorexic (although I certainly share some characteristics, not the underweight thing though) and I'm definitely not bulimic (I can't purge, though I do binge occasionally). I've found that I like an element of control, a place to be accountable for what I eat. I'm hoping that if I do continue on here, albeit not every day (I'm really busy at the moment) I will sort myself out and get to a lower weight. I find it helpful to remind myself how well others are doing.

The main aim is to eat healthy, low-cal food, to mix up the number of cals occasionally, to treat my body as the temple it should be (think of what an amazing job your body does in every day situations!).

I find it odd that as I get to each lower weight, that becomes my "ok" weight, when a few months ago, it would have been amazing to be that weight. For example, a few months ago, 9stone5 would have been divine, marvellous, light for me. now that same weight, 131 is traumatic and I wonder what went wrong.

The plan today is a bowl of porridge (back to the porridge!) perhaps with some honey or golden syrup on it, but not for some time. I'm going to a concert at 6pm, meaning I need to get the tickets by 5.30pm (so aiming for 5.15pm) and leaving the flat by 4.30. The dress I'm going to wear is teeny tiny, so realistically, can't eat after 3pm. I bought vegetables and quorn chicken yesterday, I have fish and more vegetables in the freezer. I also intend to make some peach and poppy seed muffins, which are low cal but can be used for a quick breakfast on the go.

So cals could be as low as
Porridge and honey - 150 (will need to measure this, as wht I thought was 130 cals of porridge was much less, I used one of those Quakers specific packs with separate servings for a while and it was so low!)
Making poppy seed muffins - 300 (overcompensate, but sampling is a necessary part of baking)
Testing poppyseed muffin - 176 (according to the cookbook)
= 626

Chances are that there'll be some dried fruit and some Ryvita with peanut butter or honey on, but that shouldn't be over 1000. I may eat when I come back from the concert but I may not.

Day -1 = Back from the grave

Despite what I wrote below and despite trying to "recover" (I did go to counselling but didn't bring up the food issue - we just spoke about my "control| issues"), I've been following blogs this whole time. I hit 125.8 when I was flat-hunting. I've now moved to London. I have basically fluctuated between 126 and 132. Literally, this week, I was 126.6 last Sunday and this morning (Saturday) I was 131. WTF? I've spent all week walking and stressing! OK, lack of proper BM in the past few days.

I think it's because I took this week "off" in order to settle in. And the 126.6 was down from 128 the previous week so wasn't real loss, but why taunt me with that? Scales, begone!! I'll check tomorrow, which is my usual weigh-in day, but I severely doubt it'll be at the good end. If it's over 130, I really need to get back in check.

So clearly, I need to have somewhere to be more accountable. Maybe if I blog here, I'll stop weighing myself every freaking day and ONLY do it on a Sunday morning. Mostly, when I do weigh in every day, it scares me because weight goes up sometimes so much in a week. But I need to stop doing this, really really really.

There's a gym in my new place, which I've not gone to yet (such a busy week), tomorrow, as for me the week starts on Sunday, I return. Back. New GW (we'll say 119, but low end of 120 would be a good start), new plans (I've sort of gone off porridge although I think I could live with it!) and no money (so can't buy lots of food, even though I bought lots and lots this week as it's my first week).

Wish me luck. It's good to be back.