Broked

Well given how cold I was today, sticking at the 913 wasnt going to happen (I predicted it wouldn't!!). Still, 1.5 carrots with the homemade hoummous (30 + 73) and two small bowls of cabbage, one with mustard and one with sweet chilli sauce have curbed the cravings!! So we're up to approx 1050. That'll do. I really don't want to be toooo restrictive, just want to lose a bit of weight really! Weigh-in is tomorrow evening, although I was thinking about having Sundays as a less strict day... we shall see!! If I get up really late then the body won't even want 3 meals.

Is there a way of keeping low cals but not reducing down vitamins too much? I'm a coeliac, so I can't eat or drink most meal replacements, and they seem kinda expensive. Also OBVIOUS!!!!

ON track?

On top of today's 270 we have:

noodles - 195 (I'm not no-carb!! Don't see how it's ever good for you. And Dr. Atkins died obese...)
thai veg curry - 1/3 can coconut milk (250!! Oh dear), brocolli (20), onion (10), peas (35), thai green paste (20?)
chutney - 50
apple - 63 (it says 63 on bag of apples, why didn't I check there first?!?)


= 913

If I binge tonight on anything, it'd sort of have to be cabbage (stirfried up with a bit of sweet chilli sauce) given I have no other food. Should probably go buy some stuff soon, I've only got porridge (which I've banned myself from apart from as a breakfast cereal), homemade frozen meals and tomorrow's meals.

I am a failure

I got up late, so no gym. And I didn't skip lunch. I was hungry!! I did make a soup though, potato and cabbage, with approx 130 per serving. Breakfast was porridge with water, 140. I still feel like a fat cow though, my stomach is massive and I'm hating my weakness for not going to the gym. Why am I so motivated to lose weight in the evening but I'm so weak-willed at actually doing anything about it? Arghhhhh need motivation. Harlow has put up the best ana list ever, and it's got loads of suggestions....

You might notice I don't post much about drinks - that's because I mostly drink green tea and water. Trust me, I'd be honest with me putting calorific drinks up!!

I'm off to seek motivation...

Friday's Party

Ahhh damn - ended up making the no fat brownies (without eggs... meant they were gooey) and turning them into truffley type things, but I made like 40, so they were approx 20 cals each. Shame I ate a fair few, along with sweets and olives and cheese/pineapple sticks. We're talking retro. Still I don't think I went over 500, leaving the day at still sub 1200. I'll go to the gym tomorrow morning and maybe skip lunch. We'll see.

Ugh, I feel fat. I felt thin before I went!!!

No-fat brownie

I looked at the low number of cals and figured as a test of my not-binging, i would make something to take to friend's house. I've made a no-fat brownie (and didn't even eat much mixture, maybe 50 cals worth? Up to 623 I think), from this recipe. However, I had no eggs, so used arrowroot starch and water. I think I'll also cut it up into mini pieces, so that other people eat it all. If I can get away with only one piece, maybe that'll be another 50 cals? It's pretty low on cals anyway.

Friday Food

I had a hot choclate- finished off my low-cal hot choc to get t out of the way. So that's like 70 cals.

Dinner was a chickpea and sweet potato curry type thing. Spicy = boosts metabolism! Low carb, I think. I made 3 portions.

1/3 small sweet potato - 30
1/3 small onion - 10
Cauliflower - 15
Cabbage - 15
1/3 of 1/2 can chickpeas - approx 20
tomato puree - like 10?
Chutney (love it...) - 50

Total per portion - 150 (that seems very low, given it was quite voluminous. Good!!).

Total for the day = 534.

I think this means I can have an apple, leading to 584. And will be GOOD at friend's house. Will not binge on chocolate!!!!!!!!!!!

Third Day, Friday

Rushing about leads to Celia only eating a bowl of porridge for breafast this morning!! So 140 there... I also made my own hoummous with no oil, just water, chickpeas, pepper and lemon blended together. Obviously it's not quite as good as the shop-bought stuff but sooo many fewer cals. Used half a can and ate half, so hoummous is approx 70. And stir fried veg for lunch so hopefully we're not too high so far today... I'm going rounf to a friend's this evening so I'm going to have to watch myself. She always has chocolate/sweets/snacky things on hand.

Porridge 140
Hoummous 70
Carrot - 25
Small onion - 20
Cabbage (white and purple) - 15
Tsp honey - 30
Tsp sweet chilli sauce - 14

Today so far - 314. I can't make it to the gym again today (or tomorrow!) which sucks ass but I'm at least rushing about!!!

Day 2 Part 2

Dinner stayed being pretty low - I had a home-made red lentil dhal curry. I always use minimal oil (that Fry Lite stuff is amazing!!!), which I estimate at around 250 cals, one teaspoon of chutney at maybe 30 cals and 2/3-3/4 rice noodles at 150 cals. So today's total is 757. Which given I didn't go to the gym, I'm pretty pleased with. It was also sooo cold (and I spent a lot of time outside shivering).

Lulu, nightly binges (in fact, binging on whatever is in my kitchen!!) are also a bit of a problem for me, but if I eat after a certain time, I have issues sleeping. And I emptied my cupboard of a lot of binge-type foods... since my aim is to not binge, I'm not going to dammit!! Stay strong... I recently read the mantra "Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels"! Trying to keep that at the forefront of my mind.

Day 2

Started off almost exactly the same (I don't really feel the need for variety in my diet, and can't afford to do so anyway!). But no gym - I cycled a lot around town and I had an extra class which I'd forgotten about.

Food
Porridge 140
Apple - 50? Anyone know apples? I keep getting mixed ideas on how many one has!
Nuts/cranberries (now finished!) - 150
Vegetable cup - 100
Low cal hot choc - 37

Total pre-dinner = 327. Awesome - just going to make a low cal dinner and keep it going!

Day 1 Dinner

Thought I'd blog this before I go out! I had a vegetable stir fry, one v small onion (20) fried with a tsp of honey (30) and a tsp sweet chilli sauce (14). Add 5 florets of brocolli (20), half a sweet red pepper (15) and some cabbage (12??), serve with one small portion of rice noodles (195 but I am looking to decreased this in the future). Total = 306 meaning a daily total (hopefully!!) of 1096 although I think I overestimated the lunch. It'll all balance out somehow with the gym and the dancing...

Day 1 Part 1

The day started off quite well, food is below.

Porridge with water - 150?
Small apple - 40?
Approx 1 cup of cauliflower/carrot/pepper (raw) - 100?
One hot choc (v rich!!) - 250?
Nuts and cranberry - 150
Total = 690

I've not had dinner yet. And I did make it to the gym midday, which was awesome, I had so much more energy than normally in the afternoon!! I might do this again. Said it burnt approx 350 cal so let's say it burnt off the hot chocolate!! And we're going out tonight so that should be a good few hours of dancing, particularly since I don't drink!

I foolishly weighed myself last night - won't do this again until Sunday, my official weigh-in day because it's too depressing. I'd gained 2lbs? How? Stupid binging yesterday, but no more!! I will stay strong!

Pre-Lenting

I seem to have taken this "final day" thing quite seriously - I just ate a lot of pancakes and cheese sauce (not together - ew) and golden syrup. At least I used practically fat-free milk and half-fat cheese. Ughhh. No calorie counting today!!

I made it to the gym today though!! Only cross-trainered it for 25 minutes, but it's been a while and it felt good. I was next to quite a chubby girl, but she was on it for longer (I respect her dedication). Need to get competitive with it all...

ANYWAY no more binging, no more eating out of the jars. BRING IT ON!!!

Lyric-spiration

Heh, just listened to Bob Dylan "The loser now will be later to win". That's exactly right, no?

So it starts...

I'm a little nervous in setting this up because I'm worried about what it means for my mental health. Nevertheless I'm doing it - more of a "keep up to date" thing, I can't write this stuff down, surely someone would find it??

It would ruin my life if people knew quite how much I thought about my diet and weight and food. I love cooking and baking. I don't think I'm ana, and I'm certainly not a purger (so not mia) but I reckon there's an EDNOS in there somewhere. I just want to be in control.

With lent starting tomorrow (I'm not Christian but what an excuse!) I figured I'd cut some things out. I want to stop binging - if I bake, I binge, because it's there and I generally bake things I can eat (I have a couple of allergies). I eat out of the jar/packet (gross but true - peanut butter, honey, jam, sugar, syrup, I've done it all). And I want to stop this.

I'm afraid of fat people. Classic thinspo doesn't work for me, but show me a picture of a fattie and I'm off to the gym.

Also, I need to keep going to the gym! I've not been for about a month and I am feeling like a fatty, even though I just lost a couple of pounds due to stress....

I figure if I have a blog, I can comment on other people's Skinny Blogs and perhaps get some support from the beautiful community out there.



My digits - CW - 131.2lbs (always weigh in evenings, don't know why!)
HW - 150lbs (2005 - blame going away to college)
LW - 127lbs (I was ill for a while...)
GW - 125lbs (short-term - to be reevaluated as we go. BMI of 18.5)
Height - 5 foot 9


So my Lent Challenge - go to gym 4 times a week, give up binging and eating out of the jar and lose 6lbs. That's what, 1lb a week, which is totally doable. Wish me luck!!