Confusion

Hunger is fat leaving the body.



In the past few months I have been uber busy. Usually this means I lose weight. I maintained at approx 127. Until last weekend. Saturday morning, 127.6 (not ideal but alright). Sunday morning 130.0. Monday morning 132.6. WTF? My sis was down and I ate a loooad including an afternoon tea of gigantic proportions but 5lbs?


Even weirder - Saturday morning THIS weekend - 129.6 (not the 5lb gain, not good but not as bad as I thought). Sunday morning 131.6. And I made cakes but didn't eat loads (ate some instead of lunch).


I've given up on trying to understand my body's foibles.

Day 3

I forget the days and don't have time to check it... it's 2pm, and I've just had lunch, so I've not had lunch at 11.30 (I had a class). Today has been better, I was so happy yesterday evening and it really helps with weight!! Weighed 127.2 this morning so it's not as bad as I'd feared so far. As you can tell, the "not weighing self every day" is going SO well.

Today, porridge (150), soya caramel macchiato (150), salad (260), so 560. I'm hoping to remain under 1000 today. Yesterday I managed about 1200, as there were frosted cupcakes at the event I went to, and I ended up just eating frosting off about 4 cupcakes. I do love M&S sushi, although they've got a lot of healthy food, which I approve very much of.

Still got no laptop. FAIL.

This weekend may be a fail as I'm off away to a friend's bday. Hopefully getting my dance on though.

Failing?

I feel like I'm failing

My laptop is broken, so no blogging. Work is busy - I'm studying a lot, which leads to hunger.

Today - porridge (150), salad (150), chocolate (400 probs), cappucino (70). 770 is huge before a dinner, what am I doing? At least when I bake, I give out to lots of people.

I guess this is why I managed to gain like 4 lbs in 4 days - admittedly this was an evening weight after eating my ass in baking.

I must get back on the horse. When I have no money (so, er, now then), I won't be able to buy food (like mid-afternoon chocolate). And if I drink fizzy drinks (soda water and lime! Diet Coke!!) throughout my "dinner" time, I don't get hungry.

The mad thing is that when I do get hungry, it's not for anything in particular. There's no food that I really want, there's nothing really. Food is fuel (love that frame of mind). If I can just stay here, I'll be happy. It's been about 2 weeks like this.

Plan for the rest of the day = sushi from M&S. I can get a low cal small one. I wouldn't eat but I'm eating with a friend.


I do not expect to see a loss this week. I will have to weigh on Saturday as I'm away for the weekend. I will probably not even be the weight I was this time last week. Oh 126, please be mine.

Re-start. Day 1

SO Bank Holiday weekend in the UK was a bit of a write off. Whilst I didn't eat meals on Sunday, I did make A LOT of cake. LOTS. With a friend. Which involved sampling. Luckily, I started feeling sick part way through, so I couldn't eat any more. I also ate about 500g of butternut squash, which I know isn't high in cals (partic roasted with FryLite oil) - is about 200 cals, but it's still bulk and I still FELT big. Ugh.

So re-starting. Back on the VB diet where possible. new aims - do not eat more than 2 bowls of porridge in a row. Do not add honey to porridge. Try to do some exercise which isn't just walking. *sigh*. It's my own fault for weighing in last night, when the scales read 130.8. WTF? 4lbs in a day and a half? Crazy. Maybe it's water weight, I do drink a lot.

Day 22

Weighed in a day early because I thought today may be a bad one. Victoria Beckham knows what she's doing!! I had a photo shoot, so wanted to be lower... and saw 126.4 this morning. Even with cheating a lot this week and not really following the diet, I lost 2 lbs. OK, so I know it's a lot of bloat from pre-period stuff, but can I get a hell yes?

I'll weigh in tomorrow but I've eaten quite a lot today (porridge - 150, carrot - 30, 5 (yes, 5! Spread out) cereal bars - 550, yoghurt raisins - 200, snackajacks - 80), 1010 compared with my recent low low intake of 600s ish, so I'm not expecting it to be any lower tomorrow. I'm also off out for non-alcoholic cocktails tonight!! I did see my top half looking particularly slim in the photos, so I was quite pleased. Still look v wide in the hip area though, but I'm not sure I can do a lot about that.

How are things with you, my lovelies?

Day 20

So after last night's disaster (admittedly and expected disaster - will explain), today I woke up with a fake hangover - I don't drink but I had a headache and stomach ache... ugh.

Crisps. And chocolate raisins. And curry. And people who I like but who I don't know particularly well. So lots was consumed, I don't really want to think about the calories. I've been punished enough for it today with the way I felt. Has anyone else had that? Where you eat really healthily for a while, then when you end up eating v fatty food, your body rejects it massively? I will have to think again for next time we have a social.

Onto today - started off with a smoothie (beetroot, carrot, apple, celery, honey, cinnamon and cocoa powder - approx 170 per serving), had strawberries (50), peas (50), lettuce and carrot (30) followed by a Starbucks trip. I went for a soy cappucino with sugar free hazelnut syrup (70). Which put me at 370. Good. Got hungry at 4.30pm, ignored it, drank water, it stopped. Great. Didn't feel well on way home, good, so didn't eat. Until I felt like I should eat. So I had some porridge. I've weighed it out, I had about 100g of oats overall, made with water and sweetened with honey - so maybe 500 cals?

Putting today's total at 870.

Good, yes, but doesn't really balance out yesterday. Or the day before. But it's not with my VB diet (ie Victoria Beckham!!), which is meant to be solely strawberries, lettuce, edamame (I've been using peas) and steamed fish (I have yet to eat any fish). Lots of herbal and green tea is meant to be consumed. Again, I've not had the facilities to do this, so I've just been drinking A LOT of water.

I've varied this quite a lot - added blueberries, carrots and other low cal veg and stuck with porridge. As you can see, not really stuck to it. I've got 2 days of doing this before I will probably have to eat something else (a friend, who also has a few food issues, and I are going to have a bake fest so I can teach her how to bake, then we're going to give out what we make to friends and colleagues on a big trip without eating it ourselves. Cunning.). I can't see why my weight wouldn't go down in this time, but I don't hold out much hope for the Sunday weigh in. I bet I end up weighing much more than my mid-week 126.4, though I'd love to see that number again. On that note, I did finally have a BM today (it's been about 5 days) but not enough again. Hopefully tomorrow or Saturday...

Day 19

So I weighed myself this morning despite not meaning to do it all week, but I was feeling slimmer. Srre enough, 126.4 sparkled at me from the scales. Hooray for period bloat going down a few days in.

This is despite the chilli, rice and tarta yesterday.

Today, I have felt like it's a loss. A chocolate and caramel Rice Krispy Squares shone at me with its gold gleaming promises of tasty goodness. At 151 cals though, it's one of the better buys in the college shop. I'm having a curry tonight, I like the spicy ones so it should boost my metabolism a bit. Since I don't drink, no alcohol, and there'll be lots of dancing, to make up for my lack of gymming.

Then we shall return to the peas-strawberries-lettuce-fish of the VB diet. For 3 days at least.

I shall return.